Spring 2003 Game Updates

Game 1
Americans 10, Bares 1.
April 15th, 2003
Season Record 1-0-0.

Happy Birthday To Johnny Lightning
(Sugar Land, TX) A new league, a fresh start, and a 10-1 win....what else could a guy ask for? Goals a-plenty all around, but the Babine Brothers earn permanant beer duty for their no-show as the Amerks popped the cork on a new season.

Game 2
Rangers 6, Americans 5.
April 22nd, 2003
Season Record 1-1-0.

Americans Outscore Rangers...and LOSE?
(Sugar Land, TX) Yes, a quick check of the rule books shows that you only get credit for the ones you score in the OTHER team's goal. The Americans put up a valient effort, and just as the Amerks pulled to within a goal of tying the game with just under 2 minutes remaining, a bizarre "Interference" penalty was called. Want to have some fun? CLICK HERE to read the definition of Interference. WIN FREE SEASON TICKETS if you can find the part of the rule that calls for a penalty to a puck carrier when that player, in posession of the puck, while being hauled down, attempts to move up the ice. Give it a try, it's fun for the whole family!

Post game festivities at Parkwood saw the WILD win, and the BLUES lose as it was game 7 heaven. Hopefully next week we'll get a better effort from the players...as well as the gents in stripes!

Game 3
Americans 8, Flyers 4.
April 29th 2003
Season Record 2-1-0.

It's 4:15am, Do You Know Where Your Spellchecker Is?
(Sugar Land, TX) Three Amerks were just a goal short of Hat Tricks as the Americans notched their second win of the season. EJ, Pieczonka Joe and Pete Babine each scored twice while Tim Madden and Brendan Hilton added a goal apiece. Dave Stiller returned to the pipes as Goalie Nick Arenas had a beer emergency.

James Frame received MVP honors for keeping the Amerk spirit alive in the parking lot until after 4am. The following dispatch was received from Mr. Frame at Team Headquarters:

"Dateline Wednesyday April 30 4:15 A.m.Let it be known that The Ameicans won the batttle of the parking lot. Although, I had to listen to a lot of boring bullshit, I outylastefgd the competition. When the two other guyz realized tyhart I was not leaving anytine soon, they gave up. It wuz hard work, but somebody had to do it.."

They obviously did not know WHO they were dealing with! 4:15am??? Nice work on the beer supply from Sofaboy and Mr. Hughes.

NEXT WEEK BEER DUTY will be assigned to this past week's MIA players Malinda Selever and John Parks. Both were absent without notes from their mothers. Hmmm, John and Malinda, both missing the same week....people could start talking!

Game 4
Outlaws 7, Americans 5.
May 6th 2003
Season Record 2-2-0.

You Want The Lie Or You Want The Truth?
(Sugar Land, TX) The lie: It was all the no show goalies fault. It was all or subsitute goalie fault. The pucks were too warm, the beer was too warm, the crowd was against us, the refs are part of an Iraqi plot, (insert your favorite lie here). The TRUTH: We sucked. There were a few high points. Brendan's' always strong play, Malinda poking one home, Gibb's grinder goals, Eric's lightning fast right, and the ventilated ass of Johhny Lightning. Lessons learned: 1). Always have backup goalie pads in Stillers car. 2). You live in Texas, buy a cooler. 3) Haley's comet makes more frequent appearances than do Babines 4). No matter how much your opponant sucks...do your best to suck less.

Game 5
Americans 6, Panthers 5.
May 13th 2003
Season Record 3-2-0.

Americans 'Nick' Panthers
(Sugar Land, TX) The Americans survived two disallowed goals, a kicked in goal, an empty net breakaway by Babine nullified by a fight involving Amerk goalie Nick Arenas, (which left stiller manning the net sans goalie equipment for the last :34 seconds) and still skated away with a win...barely. Pieczonka Joe blasted in the winning goal as the Americans fought back from two 2 goal leads by the Panthers. Jimmy Frame's special request performance drew rave reviews from the standring room only parking lot crowd. The Accordian Jam was topped only by his second MVP run of the night to deliver MD 20/20 and something resembling TidyBowl cleaner. As Joe Bob would say: 6 goals, 72 beers, MD20, four bellies, three birthmarks, one accordian Jam, one bikini top, 24 salty rods and a WIN. It doesn't get much better than that.

Game 6
Dragoons 7, Americans 6.
May 20th 2003
Season Record 3-3-0.

Not Enough Dynamite
(Sugar Land, TX) Yes, it was a late game. Yes, we have senior citizens on our team. YES...YOUR PRESENCE MAKES A DIFFERENCE. Unexcused absences to next game's Beerpersons (June 3rd, due to next week bye) go to Selever, B. Babine and Tim Madden. With Mr. Gibb in Toronto, the Amerks were left shorthanded, and further hobbled as Brian Hughes missed much of the last half of the game with a groin pull, but he toughed it out, returning late in the game after serving the 5 minute major for O'Neill who took exception on a cheap shot on "Little Buddy" Dave Stiller. After falling down 6-3, the Amerks fought back to pull within a goal. A late flurry by a well rested (due to a 10 minute misconduct) Eric Johnson resulted in a goal (missed by the officials, but verified by the Dragoons Captain) which would have tied the game at 7-7. MVP Honors to goalie Jim Burkhart, who made the late evening drive from Alvin, even though he was scheduled to work at 5am. Audra Koliba's second star of the game goes to Brendan "he rocks" Hilton for making the game, even though he was just arriving from a Florida trip. Joe Piezonka's continued hustle resulted in 2 goals, three assists, and the 3rd star in a game that should have gone in the "W" column. Next game, two weeks. Prodigal players will be required to bring notes from their mother as well as plenty of beer for the EARLY 8:45 game vs. L'Bares.

Game 7
Bares 10, Americans 9.
June 3rd 2003
Season Record 3-4-0

The Magnificent Seven (including the Goalie)

ED. NOTE: Thanks to Cub Reporter Timmy Madden for filing tis game report.

First, let's dispense with the formalities: Next Game's Beerpersons - Due to the overwhelming turnout this week: EVERYONE!!!!

Where do you start to tell such a tale of valiantry? Ten minutes prior to game time the head count in the locker room stood at exactly 3, with our goalie Dave Stiller MIA. But soon after a total of six skaters would emerge for the hot confines of the Sugar Land Aerodrome locker room meeting an already dressed Stiller (mom must have gotten him ready at home).

Let's fondly remember their names, those who gave blood, sweat, and vomit: Tim "I found the cure" Madden - straight off a plane from Chicago following two

bad nights (mornings?) on Rush St.John "I've got a broken ankle" Parks - with a leg swollen to the size of Burak's Belly Joe " I feel like crap" Pieczonka - a known "gamer" Jeff "I just finished kid practice" Gibb- tired from his hours of juvenile hockey instruction Geoff "my name is Pete" Hodge - Just like Pete, minus game but plus a few more teeth Eric "you doesn't have to call me Johnson" Johnson - playing after a looooong day at ENRO Dave "oopps, there goes another one" Stiller Where could the others be? Lost in a giant black hole? Flat tire? Dog ate their homework? Formation of their own AA group? Players such as Pete "Gums" Babine, Bobby "got to go, my kid's cut of an arm" Babine, Jim "I'm ice fishin' in Wisconsin" O'Neill, Brian "Holden McGroin" Hughes, Rod "SARS" Fenwick, Brendan "Hey I miss one game a year whether I need too or not" Hilton, Nick "I thought I was suspended for two" Arenas and many, many more. Names you'll typically only see at the Post Office.

Had they deserted their teammates? Who knows, who cares. These courageous Americans, with scarcely time for a tug and a rub fought valiantly, first taking the lead and holding it into the 3rd period. Then, falling behind 10-7, a courageous effort by Gibby lead to two additional goals, bringing the final score to 10-9, but in favor of the Bares. The Lads hung tough, but in the end were no match for Mark Tushnett's traveling sideshow, remembering that its not the dog in the fight, but the fight in the dog. Final totals - goals: Gibby 4, Zonka 2, Petey the Hodge 2, Johnson 1; contributions by everyone.

Game 8
Americans 6, Rangers 5
June 10th 2003
Season Record 4-4-0

Hilton Hat Helps Amerks Hold Thin Win

This week, a total of 9 skaters and a goalie took the ice to try and avenge the 6-5 loss to the Rangers just 7 weeks ago. The Killer "B"

s (Brendan and Bobby Babine) were in high gear. Brendan notches a hat trick, while Bobby Babine started the scoring with a blast off the crossbar for a 1-0 lead and executed an Aerodrome record 32 deke penalty shot which screwed the Rangers goalie into the ice allowing Bob to slide the puck in giving the Amerks a 4-0 lead after two periods. The Rangers deep bench gave them the scoring they needed making it 4-2 early in the third. Brendan Hilton added two goals and the aged Amerks lead 6-3 with just four minutes remaining. Two Ranger goals in the next three minutes left the Amerks hanging on to a slim one goal lead. Again, Bob Babine came to the rescue, taking a stick to the chops and donating blood to ensure the 6-5 win. With Bob out on a 3 week Lobster tasting tour, the Amerks will have to suck it up and win a few by themselves. Your presence is requested on the bench. Next week, 9:45pm vs. the Flyers. "B" there.

Game 9
Americans 4, Flyers 2
June 17th 2003
Season Record 5-4-0

A Kinder Gentler, "E".

After getting three penalties in the first period, a cooler headed "E" put on his halo for the final two periods and paced the Americans to a 4-2 win, including the game winning goal. John Parks got the scoring started to give the Amerks a 1-.0 lead. Gibby added a second goal followed by Casper Johnson's goal. After the Flyers pulled to within a goal at 3-2, the victory was put on ice by the goal scoring machine, Brendan Hilton. Stiller's fan club was in attendance and may have accounted for his strong play. That, or his post game 'num num' which is guaranteed after every win. Next week, the EARLY GAME. Be there at 8:45 as the Amerks attempt to avenge an 7-5 loss to the Outlaws in week 4.

Game 10
Americans 7, Outlaws 4
June 24th 2003
Season Record 6-4-0

Sweet Revenge.

Cub reporter O'Neill was in Las Vegas making his annual charitable donations. Since no game report submitted, all we have is a score. For complete details, close your eyes and imagine. Use any NHL slow motion replay as a guide. ESPN222 reported a hat trick by Eric Johnson, check your cable guide for replay times. Two games left in the regular season....Go Amerks!

Game 11
Americans 5, Panthers 2
July 1, 2003
Season Record 7-4-0

Your Best Offense is a Kickass Defense...

Which includes a couple of Canadians who represented 60% of the Amerks scoring output in celebration of Canada Day! Coach Gibby scored two and Brendan Hilton added another for all the goals the Amerks needed as Goalie "the late" Dave Stiller turned in a solid performance. The oldest American, Johnny "pokecheck" Parks also turned in a solid performance as the Americans moved into a tie for first place in the AHL. Fans in the stands were looking for the slow motion replay board when "Bazooka Joe" skated past all six Panthers for the sweeeeeet goal of the night. The only other winger to score was Eric "Ghandi" Johnson who also notched one goalie grille, a post, and crossbar in his most uptempo yet peaceful performance of the season. The Mahatmah would be proud. SEASON FINALE next week and the 8:45 early start should provide for much post game analysis during the 4th period party on the pavement.

Game 12
Americans 7, Dragons 2
July 8, 2003
Season Record 8-4-0

"The Kid" Slays Last Dragon.

To date, the Americans had beaten 3 of the 4 teams who had defeated them this season. Tonight was their chance to even the score against the Dragons. You sensed it was going to go well when Brendan Hilton scored :20 seconds into the game off the opening faceoff. Bob Babine added a hat-trick which included a short handed goal to give the Amerks all the scoring they needed. For good measure, goals were added by Pieczonka Joe, Eric "Ghandi" Johnson and Peter G. Babine, who played his best game of the season. First star of the game was replacement goalie Jim "Cody" Burkhart who stoned the Dragons on countless occasions.

After the win, a player from the game about to start asked "who was that kid in green?" When informed it was the 40 year old Bob Babine, they called "bullshit". A quick program check reveals Mr. Babine has been a roster player all season, albeit MIA for the better part of the season. After the game, Director of Player Relations Tim Madden was seen coaxing Mr. Babine out for the next game. FUN FACT O' THE WEEK...With a 45 year old goalie Burkhart subbing for a 23 year old Nick, the average age of the team jumped to over 42 this week. Look for the AARP cards in the mail this week.

For the first star of the game Mr Burkhart, this game also held a sweet taste of revenge. Cody happened to be in the pipes in week 6 when the Amerks lost a 7-6 squeeker to this same Dragons team. Babine gets second star of the game not just for the goals, but also a nice big cooler in which we were able to chill all the celebratory beer. 3rd star must go to "E" for drawing the crowd. He packed the stands with friends, co-workers, and a fish that cost Mr. Hodge yet another Zebco. (for those new to the team, please purchase a team history book in the online Americans E-store). A rare 4th star was also handed out to Amerk alumni Keith Lerner who managed to stay awake for the whole game, and contributed immensley to the post-game adult beverage supply. The Eric Johnson fan club was also treated to an unscheduled Jimmy Frame accordian performance. It just doesn't get any better than this, eh? See you in two weeks.

Game 13
League Semi-Finals
Americans 7, Dragons 0
July 22, 2003
Season Record 9-4-0

Have You Seen Our Johnson?

Eric, that is. He's the guy causing the sunburn on the back of your goalies neck! "E" scores a hat-trick and that's all the Amerks needed. Overkill, actually as the prodigal goalie Nick Arenas returned to serve up a donut for the dragons. Not only did Eric provide all the scoring needed. The EJ fan club was in full attendance, and "E" provided beer in the parking lot. This MVP effort made it quite difficult to select the first star of the game. Goalie pitches shutout, Eric with hat-trick, fan club, and BEER. The judges reconvene and it's Eric in a landslide. Nick does however pick up both second and third stars of the game.

It was goals aplenty with Hilton, Gibb, and Pieczonka adding goals. But, the goal of the night was Tim Madden on a breakaway. (ok, cut the oxymoron crap, I saw it with my own eyes)....and doing a Bobby Orr renactment flying through the air after scoring goal #6 for the Amerks. Just as Michael Jordan should have retired after hitting the shot to win his final championship, ESPN is calling for Mr. Madden to retire while he is at the top of his game and still can fall back on his modeling career.

Never one to be swayed by public opinion, Mr. Madden has promised to return next week. NEXT WEEK SPECIAL FAN PROMOTION: Body Shot night...bring your tequila, salt and lime!

Game 14
League Championship
Americans 5, Rangers 1
July 29, 2003
Season Record 10-4-0

Old Guys Rule!

But, it does take Old Guys a while to get started. After the Rangers scored on an errant clearing pass less than 30 seconds into the game, it looked like it would be a long night for the Amerks. With the Americans trailing 1-0 after the first period, the Ranger goalie was observed putting cotton in his ear to ease the pain of all the clanking off the goalposts the Amerks had provided in period one. In the second period, the hard forechecking of Bob Babine paid off as he forced a turnover in the Rangers defensive zone, and rushed the net making a perfect pass to brother Pete who buried the puck to tie the game at 1-1. Eric Johnson scored what turned out to be the game winning goal on a rebound which made the "E-Diddy" fans rock the near sellout Aerodrome crowd. It was later discovered that Johnson promised shares of Enron stock to all in attendance...but hey, we'll take a crowd any way we can get one. Goal #3 was a set play from Johnson to Gibb off a faceoff in the Amerks offensive zone. Johnson drew the puck back to Gibb who put it home to make the lead 3-1. Self proclaimed hockey legend Barry Warner was once quoted as saying "the two goal lead is the most dangerous lead in hockey". Tim Madden made it a 3 goal lead as he pounded home goal #4 off a clearing pass picked off by O'Neill. Joey "P" locked down the win with a nice wrist shot which was sweet reward for his hustle throughout the game.

In the locker room after the game, Goalie Nick "almost perfect" Arenas reworked the Championship trophy into what now appears a modern art piece. It will take all the Kings Men to get that damn thing back together again. Congrats to all on a nice inaugural season, and with Jeff Gibb being called to "the bigs" next season. Let's win the City Aerodrome Championship next week for "the Gibber"!

Game 15
City Championship
Americans 4, WillowBrook 3
August 5th, 2003
Season Record 11-4-0

Win One For The Gibber

It had been two full months since the Amerks last loss, and with this being the final game for Jeff Gibb, the Amerks were looking to make it 7 wins in a row to close out the season with a city championship. The visiting Willowbrook team was definitely younger, but again the old guys ruled. This cub reporter forgot to note all the goals, we do know Stiller and G-man had goals, and Bob Babine's goal was called back on a controversial two line pass (called a full two minutes after the goal was awarded) but the old guys hung in for a thin win. Nice season all...see you next season...next WEEK!