Spring 2001 Game Updates

Game 1
Dead Wings 7, Americans 1.
February 21, 2001
Season Record 0-1-0.

MEDIC!
(Sugar Land, TX) It's a sad night when your healthiest player on the bench is a Coach who had to retire due to injury. Dave Stiller sat between the pipes fresh from the MRI tube, Brian Hughes was one one leg from a ski accident. (we'll be speaking to his agent as this is a clear violation of his contract), Dr (heal thyself) Costello was coughing up pudding on the bench, Tony Raia's chronic back problems were in high gear, and Tim Madden was suffering from CAS. (chronic aging syndrome). Other injuries included O'Neill (inability) Babine (hair) Burak (Canadian <club>) and Fenwick (zapped). The highlight of the night was a full cooler of beer provided by Coach Lerner. After looking at the performance by the Amerk MASH Unit, Lerner is considering ending his 44 day retirement in Marioesqe fashion in an effort to boost ticket sales and team performance.

Game 2
Oil Kings 9, Americans 1.
February 28, 2001
Season Record 0-2-0.

The Walnut Curse?
(Sugar Land, TX) Formerly known as the 'Lerner Curse', which was retired coincident with Lerner's retirement, the name must now be forever retired as Keith Lerner returned from a 44 day Marioesque retirement to score the only goal for the Americans. The curse has been renamed 'Walnut' which is Waaaaaaaaaay to complicated to explain here. Ask your favorite Amerk player to fill you in on the details. As an added bonus, explaining the curse of the Walnut also distracts from the horror of the dramatic fall since the 'Championship Season' which has reached Cincinnati Bengal proportions. With Goalie Dave Stiller under the knife (again), the Bergerman slipped between the pipes, and was given CPR after the game due to exhaustion related to digging pucks out of the back of the net. Watch your local papers for IR updates. While two games may be too early to officially name the new 'curse', thinks look bleak with the speedy Hooters looming on the schedule next week at 9:45pm.

Game 3
Hooters 7, Americans 2
March 7, 2001
Season Record 0-3-0.

Accentuate The Positive
(Sugar Land, TX) While the game was not well attended by Americans players, the balmy evening provided the perfect setting for post game analysis and review. No blood was shed, though a certain Hooters player unwittingly risked life and limb challenging a (unnamed for security reasons) golden glove champion Amerk player to duke it out on a coincidental penalty call. A fortunate ending for the young whippersnapper who still does not realize how close he came to 'seeing the light'. Other positives include Dr. Jim's first goal of the year on a beauty assist from 'the masked stranger', and Bruce Burak scoring on Hooters goalie Scott Wilkey. (not that it's the FIRST time Bruce has scored in that five hole). League official Bob Groneman was on hand after the game to evaluate the relative parity in the league, but moreover to consume mass quantities of Bud Products, the OFFICIAL product of the Houston Americans in memory of departed goalie (insert harp gliss) Mark Yocum. In fact, team captain Tim "I'm drinking and I can't zip up" Madden REFUSED to drink the last beer in the cooler, as it was a Miller product. (please contact Mrs. Madden for information on visiting hours). Next week, another adventure on the 'ofer' chronicles...stay tuned!

Game 4
North Stars 3, Americans 2
March 14, 2001
Season Record 0-4-0.

A Petty Win
(Sugar Land, TX) All in all, a very cl osely fought game with big stops by both goalies, including the Amerks goalie Dave Stiller fresh off the IR. After the Stars built a 2-0 lead, Eric Johnson brought it within striking distance with a goal to make it 2-1. The Stars answered to make it 3-1, but Geoff Hodge's Blue Collar goal with just :38 seconds left gave the Americans a chance to tie the game in the final moments. Unfortunately for the Amerks, the officials decided to overlook a blatant hook which would have given the team a 6 on 4 opportunity, and the game ended at 3-2. QUESTION FOR THE OFFICIALS: Is a 'hook/trip that takes away a scoring opportunity at :30 seconds left in the game less of a penalty that one occurs in the first period? There is certainly merit in letting the game 'play out' in the final minute of a game that is obviously decided, but giving a team with a 1 goal lead free reign to hook their way to a victory is definitely outside the scope of 'fair play. A penalty is a penalty, at :01 of the first period or the last seconds of the final period. There's no way to determine if a proper call would have made a difference in the outcome of a game, but it would be nice if the TEAMS would have been given a chance, rather than have the game decided by the officials. The Amerks will take it as a loss, but given the spotty officiating, in our hearts it will count this as a draw, given the opportunities lost.

Game 5
Outlaws 5, Americans 4
March 21, 2001
Season Record 0-5-0.

Where's the "W"?
THE STILL ELUSIVE DOUBLE YOU by Tiny Elvis aka DrC
(SugarLand, TX) Pete began the night with the ominous quote "You smell that?.. smells like victory" Well, his olfaction failed him. Damn. All on all though, we showed up. Phil started off the scoring with two tallies in the first. Wendy never knew what hit her. A quirky bounce off of the boards behind Stiller found its way home after he tried to redirect it. Not much he could do. At the end of the first we were tied at 2. The next goal by the Amerks was a short handed effort by Bruce. His incredible forecheck paid off. Great work Brucey!! The invincible "E" picked his corner and lit the lamp with 28 seconds left on the clock. At the end of the second, we were gridlocked at 4 to 4. The third was a hard fought and tight contest. My biased opinion leads me to believe that we were in the Outlaws end more than the opposite. With our D picking man to man we screwed up and let the left high slot open for a trailer. THe Outlaws went up by one. With Stiller on the bench we cranked numerous shots on 'em. If their net was 7X5 instead of 6X4 we would've walked away smiling. The low points of the evening was watching two separate third man in situations happen unreprimanded and an obvious early whistle robbing Madden of the fruits of his mucking. High points?.. as usual cold provisions and camaraderie plus the bet between Hodge and Pete (double or nothing fellas?). Until next time, do not go weary into the night, or some horseshit like that.

Game 6
Americans 5, Houston Brew 3
March 28, 2001
Season Record 1-5-0.

Amerks Bury The Walnut
Or, "End of the Curse of the Babino"
(SugarLand, TX) Finally, we did it. We pulled off a win, and in not-to-shabby fashion either. The first period seemed to run forever as we basically hustled harder than ever before. At the buzzer we were up 2 to 0. Knowing that we had to keep up the tempo and also put up some D, we simply out-hustled the Brew to the puck. EVERY Amerk (not just a few) stepped up to the task. Solid netminding, consistent neutral zone coverage, beating the Brew to the puck, all played part in maintaining the lead. With Eric plowing up the middle,forechecking feeds from the boards, and passes finding their marks, we put more on the board. At the end of the second period, we were 4 to 1 (If memory serves). The third period saw the Amerks trying to give it away. It wasn't from laziness, it was from penalties. The Amerks were shorthanded 50% of the third period. Five minutes we were down 2 men. Our D kept clearing pucks out with numerous "highlight-reel" plays. The Brew had some good goals but even still with the man advantage they fell short. At the buzzer, the FINAL was 5 to 3 Americans!! The 17 game winless streak came to an end. Pete?.. while sitting under the Caribbean moon, having a frilly drink and listening to the little nation's treasure [Ricky Martin], did you smell something? ...was it victory? I think it was. Oh, and by the way Eric, that penalty shot goal was 'muy bueno'!!

Game 7
Americans 3, Maple Leafs 0
April 4, 2001
Season Record 2-5-0.

Stiller The One
(SugarLand, TX) Unfortunately, the majority of the Americans team was in High School, College or in some cases MEDICAL School last time we heard that tune, and many of the young Peppy Maple Leafs were just wee lads, or in some cases, batter in waiting. Those (two) people who closely follow these pages know that it's been a long dry spell. Whether it was the Lerner Curse, Walnut Curse or the more recent theory the curse of the Babino, it'd been over a season since the Amerks had notched a "W". (Could it have been that summer off, the 5,498 beers and combined 698 lbs gained in the OFF season? Naaaaah). Quick recap: Scoreless period one, but for the longsuffering Amerks, that's a victory in itself. Debate rages whether Stillers mouth or glove are faster, log on to www.iwannabelikedave.com to cast your vote. Period two and the Amerks score on a 2-1 as E slides a perfect pass on Bruce's stick. Thanks to nearly six weeks of diet coke, Burak saw the net and the 'jumprope goalie' was down 1-0. Dr J picked up a rebound to make it 2-0, and Babine banked a puck off several sticks into an open net to start the 'youda bitch' war with Geoff Hodge. Personally we think they both are, but that's another story for another time. Game puck to Dave Stiller who pitched a Nomo. Not bad for a 40 year old non goy. NEXT WEEK: Game TBN, check with your Captain for time and location.

Game 8
Americans 4, North Stars 4
April 18, 2001
Season Record 2-5-1 (OT TIE).

Stiller A Victory
(SugarLand, TX) While the record will count this game as an OT tie, we'll take it as a STILLER Victory and an improvement on a 3-2 loss in week 4 to the Stars. After the Stars took at 2-0 lead in the first period, it looked as if the Amerks were out of contention. But, "E" took a faceoff in to score with under a second remaining to bring the Amerks back 2-1. Then, just 19 seconds into the second period, Pete Babine tied the score at 2-2. Babine also scored the go-ahead goal in the 2nd period to make it 3-2. After the Stars tied it in the 3rd period, Geoff Hodge locked down he 4-3 score to put the Amerks back in the lead. A late score by the Stars, and they were kissing their sister in the parking lot. All in all an enjoyable game....see you next week!

Game 9
Americans 5, Dead Wings 4 (OT)
April 25, 2001
Season Record 3-5-1.

Peter Peter, Goalie Eater
(SugarLand, TX) When the Amerks met the Dead Wings in the season opener on February 21st, Pete Babine was still suffering chronic headaches due to hair replacement surgery. Now, two months later, with the plugs firmly in place, Pete finally made his mark and notched his first hat trick of the year scoring 3 of the 5 Amerk goals on the night, including a short-handed goal in OT to seal the win. The Americans built a quick 3-0 lead on the Wings, but in typical Amerk fashion, could not handle the early prosperity. The Wings fought back to tie the game at 3-3. The Amerks set a team record in an 8 pass sequence that lead to the 4-3 lead, but the Wings tied the game to send it into OT. With 2:01 left in OT, Brendan Hilton stood up the Wings #1 player on a drive to the net, a move to which he obviously took exception. After the dust settled, both players took their respective seats in the box and with the Wings Stud off the ice, the stage was set for the game winner less than :40 seconds later. Babine got behind the Wings defense and roofed the game winner to avenge the week #1 loss for the Americans. NEXT WEEK GAME: Roadie to Sharpstown for HOOTERS at 9:45...good seats still available...see you there!

Game 10
Panthers 3, Americans 1
May 2, 2001
Season Record 3-6-1.

What's That Smell?
by Tiny Elvis aka DrC
Walking into the beautiful facilities at Sharpstown Ice Arena, there was a sense of nostalgia. There was also a certain smell too. I think it was a fecculent aroma. Anyway, the puck dropped with the Amerks having a bench of 3 D and 2 forward lines. The first period was fast paced and loose. The Hooters put up a goal that we answered. Ti had pressed up into the attack zone and pulled his forchecker out of the slot. He left a little drop pass that Costello found. His shot hit the goalie in the shoulder and was dying on the line when Burak pumped it home. The second period was a defensively strategic one for us. The Hooters managed to get past Stiller again. 2 to 1 at the end of 2. The third period was a referee free for all. We tried to come back from a 2 goal defecit (I don't remeber their third goal)when Hodge and Costello were breaking in. DrC put a saucer over to Hodge who got good wood on it. The goalie put a rebound straight out and Costello put it home. Here comes our old familiar friend, "controversy"

Somehow the net had become dislodged nanoseconds before the puck went in. The great Santini (pseudo-ref) said that it happened too fast for him to blow the whistle. Funny, considering the whistle seemed to be hooked up to an air compressor all night. The big E and Hodge were regulars in the box. Rumors are that they were trying to impress the hotties in the zebra print "Pimp Robes". All I can say is that we put up a great fight. Beer flowed freely. Our fan base grew as well. Had we only gotten a "W" it would've been a perfect night.

Game 11
Panthers 4, Americans 3
May 9, 2001
Season Record 3-7-1.

Where's the "W"?
by Tiny Elvis aka DrC

You'd think that with it all on the line we would skate out and proceed to stomp ass. Well, we had other things in mind. First period allowed us to respond to a tempo set by the Panthers. Their speedier 2 skaters set up options for shots that left us looking flat on the back check. At the end of one it was Panthers up 2 to zip. Our ability to muck in front and put a few shots on net kept us in it. The physical play was coming from both teams. Each team got chances on 5 on 3's. Great efforts were provided by each Amerk but we seemed to not get the extra "bounce" or made one too many passes. We were abkle to control the second but gave up another goal. End of 2 it was Amerks down by a goal 4 to 3. I can't recollect the source of our 3 goals but if chances are it was With a few ticks left in the third and the Panthers up a goal, we pulled Stiller to no avail while the Panthers tried to take wind-ups at the empty net. All in all, the hockey gods made it entertaining but smiled more for the Panthers. If this write-up seems flat.. well, too many beers and a few days have past that make the not-so-memorable details just that... not so memorable. This game was not representative of our season. We made large improvements but perhaps it was a little too late. Consolation game next WED. No playoffs this go-around for the Amerks.